This is part 6 in a series on Biblical Submission. To start at the beginning, click here.

Having spent the last several posts focusing on the word “subject / submit” (starting here), I’d like to turn our attention to the rest of the phrase under study.

To be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored. Titus 2:5 (NASB)

To their own - Strong’s 2398 -ιδιος – idios = pertaining to self, i.e. one’s own

Sadly, I’ve seen this little word overlooked when it comes to interpreting this phrase. Why is it important? Because of what this phrase doesn’t say. It does not say that women are to be subject to men, it says that wives are to be subject to their own husbands.

True, the Greek word for husbands here is “man.”

Husband – Strong’s 435 – ’ανηρ – aner = a man. Translated as man, husband, fellow, sir.

In the context of this verse, it refers to a woman’s husband.

This is reinforced by cross references:

Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. Eph. 5:22

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands….. 1 Peter 3:1a

What this points to, is the uniqueness of the marital relationship, not an inequality of the sexes. The division within the church is not between men and women, but between couples.

Christians are to show respect to one another, no matter their place or position. Yet within the church, the relationship of husband and wife is unique and privileged. It is to be an illustration to the world of the relationship of Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:22-33).

The question for each one of us is then, when people look at my marriage, what do they see? Does it give them an accurate picture of Christ and the Church? Probably not, especially if our husbands are unsaved, backslidden, or spiritually immature. What then? Unfortunately, no one of us can change another person. No amount of reasoning, nagging, coaxing, or putting down of one’s foot will change them. In fact, when we use these techniques, what does the world see? They see one partner trying to dominate the other. There is no equality in that.

If you’ve hung in there with me and read through this series on submission, then you know that the Bible never teaches dominance in the husband/wife relationship. Rather, it teaches the laying down of one’s life. Indeed, Jesus said this proves that we belong to Him (John 13:34-35). Husbands are to lay down their lives for their wives (Eph 5:25), wives are to lay down their lives for their husbands (Eph. 5:22), and neither one is conditional on the other.

Easy? No. When I’m struggling with this, the following verses help. I hope they will be of help to you too.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant… Philippians 2:3-7a (NASB)