I don’t know your circumstances, but I can tell you that I too have been a single mom, so I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve had to struggle with my heart’s desire to stay at home, versus having to work plus having to leave my children with someone else while I was at work. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Like you, I had to learn to rely on the Lord to be my strength, my husband, and a father to my two young children.

Of course, the Proverbs 31 Woman had a husband, so it is impossible to look at this passage for an answer to a situation like yours. Some single moms are able to have a home based business like the Proverbs 31 Woman, though I never was. Even so, we cannot say that God forbids women to work to work outside the home from this passage. In context the passage is describing an excellent wife, not setting guidelines for if, how, and where a woman should work.

But how can I encourage you? I know how difficult it is for you. Many women in your situation would be tempted to blame God for it, but I do not sense from your comment. I think this is half the battle. If anyone grieves for your situation, it is God Himself.

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn when I was a single mom, is that I am not in control. In learning that lesson, I had to deal with my anger and frustration and choose not to become bitter. I had to learn to trust the Lord’s sovereignty in my and especially my children’s lives. 2 Tim 1:12 became a banner verse for me, “I also suffer….., but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him (my children) until that day.”

So why (if God is sovereign) does He allow things like this to happen outside His perfect will? In my case, my children’s father abandoned us. As I begged the Lord to make him come back, I came to understand that God will not force anyone to do something against their free will (in my case force my husband to come back). Just as He won’t force salvation upon anyone, neither will He force any of us to any thing according to His will. That is one of the consequences of living in a fallen world. What He will do, is to use the situation to bring us to mature us into Christlikeness.

I can look back now and see that. At the time it was difficult. The pain of my burden was so great that I thought it would crush me. The book of 1st Peter became my lifeline and I clung to several verses including 1 Peter 4:19: “Let those who suffer according to the will of God entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right.” I would repeat that at work, over, and over, and over. Also 1 Peter 5:6 – “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time.”

1 Peter 5:10 became the companion verse to these – “And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” I didn’t know what “a little while” meant, but I figured that compared to all of eternity, my time of difficulty and pain was certainly that.

I’m sorry I got so long winded (and preachy sounding!), but you’ve touched on something that is close to my heart. If I were to give you any nonbiblical advice based on my personal experience, then this is what I would tell you:

1. Know that your son is absolutely your most important ministry at this time. I believe this is true for all mothers, even those who have the “time” to be involved in church ministries. Church and church ministry will always be there, but our children grow up and leave the nest someday. A stay at home mom who is so committed to church ministry that she spends all her time away from home, is not really a stay at home mom at all. She just has a job with no pay.

2. Resist the temptation to look for a husband. This is a desire the Lord gave to all women, so we all struggle with it at some time or another. The problem comes when we try to fulfill it ourselves. Sadly, too many women rush into marriage only to find themselves in much more difficult circumstances later. It’s even harder for a single mother, because she sees the need for her child(ren) to have a father, which adds to the pressure. The Lord may have a husband in your future, but He may not. If you find that your interest in someone is taking time away from your son, I would say back off. If the Lord has someone for you, then that man will be for your son as well.

3. Just take it one day at a time; one moment at a time. We can’t handle any more than that. Trust that God’s grace will be sufficient; focus on that. Again from 1st Peter, this time 1:13 – “Therefore, gird your mind for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you and the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

Renee, I don’t know if I answered your question, but please know that my heart and prayers are with you.